Sunday, April 26, 2009

and now...everything changes

So, Easter Sunday Jon Shirley was talking about the two words for time used in Scripture - chronos (chronological time) and kairos (God time).  Jon described kairos moments as those that are marked by the understanding that, from that second on, nothing will be the same again.  Jon asked us to pull up a memory of one of those moments in our lives.  Uttering the words "I do," going to sleep the first night in my nosebleed bunk bed in college, signing our names to a $147,000 loan for our first house.  Big moments.  Life-changing moments.  Kairos moments.  What's that phrase in literature that suggests an omniscient narrator?  Oh yeah, little did we know...

Less than 12 hours later, Eric was already at work and I was lying in bed wide-eyed trying to get up the courage to pee on a stick.  What if it's negative? Again.  Maybe I should wait until tomorrow.  But I'm pretty sure...I mean I've been so tired.  But what if I'm wrong?  Maybe I'd rather not know.  Pretty soon my bladder at least got me out of bed and I just went for it.  Clear as day.  A plus sign.  That means pregnant, right?  Crap.  I threw away the package with the directions.  It's gotta mean pregnant.  But what if it doesn't?  What if it should have two plus signs?  Thank God for the internet.  Google..."Factplus pregnancy test results."  Searching, searching, searching.  Stupid slow internet.  Okay, that one looks promising.  Plus sign.  Pregnant. Oh. Wow.  I remember looking up at myself in the mirror and saying, "You're pregnant."  

And then it hit me.  We had put so much time and energy and thought and prayer and planning and...well...sex into just conceiving, but I honestly had not thought one second beyond the moment when the sperm meets the egg and says, "Hey let's implant over here.  Looks nice and cozy."  So beyond the initial shock of an actual positive pregnancy test, my only other conscious thought was, "Now what?"  Well, first thing's first.  Must tell the husband.  Must be creative. Must not cry.  Must not answer that phone call from Little Sister.  Must not tell anyone else before the husband knows!  Am I even ready to say it out loud?  I mean, not just to the mirror?

Well, I failed in the attempt to not let anyone else in on the secret before telling Eric.  Pretty sure the lady in Half Price Books knows.  Not hard to do the math: 1 wide-eyed girl + "What to Expect when You're Expecting" onto the counter = PREGNANT.  And the ladies at Hallmark probably have a pretty good idea.  The countdown calendar of weeks until she's a grandma I got for my mom was a dead give-away.  

Eric and I met for lunch that day.  I was frantically composing a plan for telling him...close to settling on just blurting it out.  He went to the bathroom to wash his hands and I had my moment.  I got out the book.  I pretended to read (who was I kidding?).  He came back and fell right into my little trap.  "What are you reading?"  I held up the book and looked pointedly into his eyes.  "Oh, that's a new...booooo..." That last consonant got lost a little there as he now did the math that took Half Price Books Lady half the time.  I just stared at him, unhelpfully.  "Are you kidding?  Are you serious?"  I just nodded and mumbled something like, "How 'bout that?"  Then brought out the proof (which was in a plastic bag for all you germ-concerned folks out there) and passed it across the table.   He just stared at me with his mouth open, his eyes wide, his hands grasping the evidence of conception.  And I finally said, "How's that for a Kairos moment?"

13 comments:

Lindsey said...

I love this baby already. I can't wait to meet baby Kautzi!!! I was looking through my old Mexico photo album last night and I was looking at a picture with all of us and I couldn't believe that you and Eric ended up getting married...and now you're pregnant!! I'm so excited, Kels...and I love your blog so keep writing!!

Jeff and Lisa Olson said...

Yeah!

Jessica Kahler said...

LITTLE SISTER.....little mommy.....little aunty....i love my life.

Stewart Family Blog said...

Kelsey! Somehow I just stumbled across your blog and found this incredibly wonderful news! Congratulations! I'm thrilled for you guys! So very cool and wonderful . . . kairos indeed!

Team Arrandale said...

Loved reading this Kelsey... saw it thru Jess' facebook. Congrats to you both! Kelli (Schram) Arrandale

amy said...

First of all, you're an awesome writer and I can't wait to read more of this, and second of all, I'm crying. I can't tell you how much my heart was leaping when I was screaming at my phone waiting for your dad to text back...TYPE FASTER!!! I'm so excited for you guys. :)

Sarah said...

You did it!! (made a blog I mean, not a baby) Thanks for overcoming all the inhibitions that threatened to keep you from sharing your news with the world. I'm so thankful to get to keep up with you and your pregnancy adventure! Can't wait to see you again. :)

Kim Johnson said...

Congratulations! Tell your mom and dad congrats also. Have fun with the whole pregnancy.

Jill said...

Great Auntie, ooh that's hard to say. Way to go. What a wonderful surprise. It's not hard to say that this little bundle will sure be loved. I'll be praying for a healthy pregnancy filled with joy and wonder. Love, Great Auntie Jill

Lindsey said...

yeah yeah yeah! I'm glad all your practicing led to real live baby making! :O (I can't believe I just posted that!!)

Tim said...

Good things do happen in my absence...

Anonymous said...

Kelsey/Eric,
I am so excited for you and can't wait to see your little one! I am just so happy for you that I could just cry for you. Prayers will be with you..that you have a great pregnancy.

Christina said...

Kels & Eric~ CONGRATS!!!!! I cannot tell you how excited I am for you guys. I can't wait to meet your precious little one. I'll be praying for a healthy & happy pregnancy for you guys. !Christina