Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Baked Potato, Please.

Ahh, the second trimester and its promise of pregnancy bliss. Pregnancy bliss my rear end. As I rounded the corner on week 13, I was naively anticipating a total body rejuvenation. All the books say the morning sickness lessens, you start to have more energy, you make less trips to the bathroom, your belly begins to look pregnant instead of just fat. In my fantasies, the second I hit week 13 my body would, like clockwork, turn off the nausea. But now as week 14 rears its ugly head I have wised up. If you were a fly on the wall in our house a few days ago you would have overheard this conversation:

Me: Baby, you must not have read the same books I'm reading. I'm supposed to be done with this puking stuff.

Baby: (no comment)

Me: Baby, I'm almost 14 weeks and I'd really prefer to be done with the whole throwing up thing. Can we work on that?

Baby: (still, silence)

Me: Well, you just let me know when you're ready.

Sheesh. I'm such a push-over already.

Which leads me to my newest list:

Depressing Revelations of the 2nd Trimester

Depressing Revelation #1: My child is already the boss of me. That's right. I haven't even seen its cute little finger that I will inevitably be wrapped around and Baby is already taking charge. Sorry, Mom, I'm calling the shots and I say you'll puke for as long as I see fit.

Depressing revelation #2: 2nd trimester not all it's cracked up to be. I won't subject you to the gory details of my last few weeks, but suffice it to say it has not been the euphoric season of a blooming belly and a settled stomach that was promised. Well, maybe the belly part. That part seems to be progressing on schedule. Or maybe all my pants shrunk.

Depressing revelation #3: I'm slow. Yesterday Eric and I went on a short run. I use the word run loosely because as I was chugging along, Eric was doing his best to not leave me in the dust and still get his heart rate up. At one point he even started walking next to me and he could still keep up. At which point I moaned breathlessly and tried to pick up the pace just a little bit so it wasn't a total waste of a workout for him. A few blocks later I said in between breaths, "Am (pant) I (pant) running (pant) any (pant) faster (pant, pant, pant)?" To which he kindly replied, "Yes, a lot!" He may have been lying, but I willingly believed it.

Depressing revelation #4: My list of tolerable foods is quickly diminishing. Basically I subsist on baked potatoes (I've had one 5 out of the last 6 days) and Chipotle. And the list of Foods That Make Me Gag or Worse is growing longer and longer. What's a girl to do?

To add a ray of sunshine to the storm cloud that is this blog post, I'd like to share with you a recent discovery my dear friend Kathleen made that I'm certain will revolutionize my pregnancy: Caffeine-free Dr. Pepper! Have you ever heard of such a glorious thing? Do you know what this means?? It means I can now consume the bubbly fuzzy goodness of the one craving that has outlasted all of my fickle food urges without even a smidgen of guilt that I'm shrinking my baby's head or whatever other terrible things my caffeine intake was doing before! Forget the high-fructose corn syrup and the complete lack of any positive nutritional qualities. This discovery is going to change my life. And Kathleen, you have been officially promoted to my new best friend. Congratulations.

Now, do we have any ice?

1 comment:

Kathleen said...

Your joy when I told you that caffeine-free Dr. Pepper not only existed but could be found at the local Hen House was priceless. I only wish we could have videoed it. (Videoe-d?) I will be sure to tell baby Kautzi all about it:) and probably will try to introduce your baby to caffeinated soft drinks as early as possible.