Wednesday, June 24, 2009


Some of you know our dog Maddie. Those of you who do also know that she's somewhat neurotic. Borderline manic, in fact. Not that I can blame her; her puppyhood involved being passed around between shelters and questionable home environments only to be abandoned regularly because she didn't eat for a day or because she killed a chicken. Whoops. While they're mostly entertaining, sometimes her idiosyncrasies are a little intrusive on normal life, like when we're out of town and she gets nervous and won't eat or poop until it's absolutely necessary. Or when we return and she poops seven times in less than twenty-four hours, including one time in the laundry room. Quick play by play of Sunday night/Monday morning:

11:30PM. Per nightly routine, I let Maddie out. Poop.

2:30AM. Kelsey wakes up to an alarmingly familiar odor. Uses her phone LCD to scan the floor in the dark. Looks in the laundry room. Poop.

3:15AM. I wake up to Maddie's bad breath in my face and her tail wagging in anticipation. I let Maddie out. Poop.

4:00AM. I wake up to the ringing of the bell hanging from the back door and Maddie wagging her tail once again. I let Maddie out. Poop.

7:00AM. I've already hit the snooze twice. I wake up to Maddie's bad breath for the second time. Guess what? I let her out. Poop.

8:00AM. Maddie wakes Kelsey up looking like she really really wants to do something. Possibly outside. What could it be? Poop. Plus Elissa, one of the interns we're housing for the summer, let her out again later that morning. More poop.

Why such detail about our dog's poop habits? Because, after the 4:00 wake up call, I found myself in agitated disbelief that I had to get up for work shortly and my sleep was being interrupted because this creature of ours was having stomach issues. Then it hit me like a ton of poop. Pardon the expression. Just wait until December, friend. Someone that you like a whole lot more than Maddie will be a whole lot more demanding of your attention at regular intervals throughout the night. And it won't just poop in the laundry room and quietly ring the bell. It will scream unapologetically, unlike Maddie who looks remorseful every time she wakes me up.

I think Maddie is smarter than I give her credit for, though. See, Sunday just happened to be Father's day. My first Father's day. And I'm relatively certain that Maddie had the presence of mind to pick that day to begin preparing me for what's coming. Or her resentment for introducing a new presence in the house is starting to churn and she's taking it out on me. Or she's just a dog with anxiety issues and sometimes poops a lot. I have a feeling we'll see more evidence of the latter over the next couple months. Just heed this warning, Maddie: we just had the carpet cleaned. Kelsey spent an hour and a half raking your fur out of the floor that Short Round is going to be crawling around on. Do not mess with her.

Now check out the video that Paul made for Shoebox chronicling a similar experience with my parent's dog. The little weasel.

1 comment:

Stacey said...

hilarious. you guys are awesome, and your kid will be too.