Thursday, October 8, 2009

Winning the human race.

It astounds me that we as a species have survived as long as we have. I say this because I can't grasp how an event as huge as having a first baby can happen a few thousand times a day to people who have had no practice and continue to perpetuate itself generation after generation. And I don't mean practice with kids in general- I mean people, like ourselves, who are totally ignorant to what parenthood really entails. Seriously, think about that. The greatest responsibility we've ever had and there's no way to test it out, to get experience, to fall into a groove before we have to do it for real. And somehow, human beings are still here. God bless childbirth classes.

Kels and I started classes earlier this week with a really fun biologist-turned-doula who we're really glad is our teacher and is not going to be in the delivery room. I mean no disrespect- I'm sure she's awesome at her doula duties, but we're introverts and we like our space respected with sensitivity and she seems a little, um, intense. But the first class went well- we mostly covered early labor and when to relax, when to walk around and help the awesome kid work her way out, when to not freak out, when to go to the hospital and how to breath. Did you know that they don't teach lamaze anymore? Turns out the medical community found out moms were hyperventilating and they threw up their collective arms and said "our bad." Essentially. Which brings me back to my original point (yes, sometimes I have points, however feeble); how the crap are we supposed to know this stuff?

Well, clearly parents have made it on little information and even less sleep before, so I shouldn't be worried. I suppose I should stick to the things I do know, like mix tapes and rock band onesies, and leave learning all the other things up to grace and mutual dependence between Kelsey and myself. And parents and siblings who are eager to help, right?

And speaking of awesome onesies, Dave Coates (friend and writer, not the motorcycle stunt king. Google it) sent me the following text a few weeks ago: "Danny Glover just started a children's clothing line called 'I'm Getting Too Old for This Shirt.'" If only. That's the kind of celebrity endorsement I could get behind. Thanks, Dave. Now come back in December so you can meet your pseudo-niece.

4 comments:

elissa. said...

im eager to help!
im eager to help!

you guys are not alone. and plus you know a dang lot about life. baby is in good hands.

Mr. Colorful said...

A few thoughts...

Paragraph 1: I've said many times through the years (though I doubt ever to you) that the greatest argument against evolution is people and the greatest argument against creationism is people. I don't know why but I kept thinking that as I read that paragraph even if it doesn't really fit.

Paragraph 2: My base belief is that no expert on anything to do with people, be it some biological aspect or mental or anything else, actually has the slightest clue as to what they're saying rather they're just making stuff up to hear themselves talk and to mess with people's heads. Sure its cynical but experts always find new ways of proving it correct, such as your little piece of info about lamaze.

Paragraph 3: If in doubt as a parent, you can try my medical advice. I don't guarantee it for parenting like I do for medical stuff but I figure the odds are in favor of parenting being a qualified side use for the advice.

Jessica Kahler said...

gimmie a B....B!
gimmie an A...A!
gimmie a B....B!
gimmie a Y...Y!
gimmie an L....L!
gimmie an I....I!
gimmie an L....L!
gimmie an A...A!

B-A-B-Y L-I-L-A!
come on...we've got a cheerleading section for her...well not as much section as...a cheerleading aunt...but i'm sure i could rally up a couple others to create a section.

just incase that's helpful.

what else does she need beside a mom a dad and a cheerleading section?

Anonymous said...

You guys are too much!! Parenting is you say, you learn by trial and error or fire if you prefer. I can't wait to see Baby Lila.
Hey, Jessica, I am cheering for Baby Lila too! Katy