For those of you who don't yet follow our friends' blog about their daughter, Waverley, here is a quick update.
Today (Tuesday) they had what was supposed to be their final court appearance during which the transition plan for removing Wavy from her home and placing her in the custody of her birthfather would be settled. However, they hit a few bumps in the road and things didn't go as smoothly or efficiently as expected and in the end, nothing was decided. Matt and Molly are being intentionally vague about this, so I don't know much. They were clear, however, that nothing has changed in the long run as far as Waverley's future in their family. She will still be taken from them.
Perhaps I'm a fool, but to me, a stall is better than moving smoothly on toward an unhappy and tragic end. To me, a stall is more time to pray. More time for Wavy to be under the care of her sweet parents. More time for a young birthfather to think things over. More time for a miracle. Am I beating a dead horse yet?
To be honest, my faith has wavered. The other day as I was driving by myself at night and enjoying a rare moment of silence and alone time, my thoughts and prayers wandered to Wavy and I found myself asking the Lord, "What do you think about all of this? Are you just as frustrated and devastated as we are? Do you feel like your hands are tied by the hardness of heart that it seems like the birthfather and his mother and his lawyer are demonstrating? Don't you want Wavy to stay with Matt and Molly? Isn't that the best thing for her? Isn't that the best thing for them? Because if not, I really want to know. I want to know what you think! I want a glimpse into your perspective because I don't want to waste my time hoping for my version of a miracle when you may have a much better plan in mind. So, what are you thinking, Lord!? My prayers for a miracle and lamb don't seem to be working the way I had envisioned, so should I change my prayers?"
If joining Wavy's prayer army has taught me anything it's how little I really know and understand. It's so hard for my little human brain to consider more than just physical and emotional safety for this sweet little girl. I try to consider the possibility that maybe the Lord covets intimacy with Matt and Molly in a way that can only be achieved through the grief of losing a child. I try to imagine how being a dad might change the birthfather's life in that powerful way that any of us who are parents can testify to. I try to think beyond my past, present, future timeline into God's kairos always-present and see a future where Waverley's story saves many lives and furthers the Kingdom of Heaven in an unfathomable way. I try to wrap my mind around the way things have gone despite the prayers begging for the opposite.
But when I ask the Lord for different prayers, I don't hear anything in response. So my conclusion is to hold tight to this prayer that has become so familiar to me: Oh Lord, provide the lamb! Do the impossible! Let Waverley stay with Matt and Molly!
A book I'm reading with a group of friends challenges us to put our own prayers into the method that Jesus taught us to pray. So tonight, I'll leave you with my version of the Lord's Prayer for Waverley:
Our Father. Waverley's Father. Matt and Molly's Father. My Father. Our Father in Heaven.
Hallowed be thy name. You are wise. You are creative. You are holy and good. Your goodness reaches deeper than our understanding can reach.
Thy kingdom come. Bring your Kingdom. Redeem these broken people, this broken system, this broken situation. Let these circumstances look like your Kingdom. Be the King!
Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Your word and authority rules over all - so take charge here on this planet at this moment!
Give us this day our daily bread. And in this moment, be gracious. Give Matt and Molly their daily bread of peace and rest and faith and trust and hope and love and relief. Give Harper and Waverley their daily bread of protection and safety and assurance and lack of fear.
And forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us. Forgive us our ignorance, for thinking we know what's right and wrong in such a complicated situation. Forgive us our evil thoughts toward the birthfather and his lawyer. Forgive us our lack of trust and our lack of action.
Lead us not into temptation. Save us from our cynicism, our lack of faith, our fear and exhaustion. Save us from our laziness and the temptation to take our own children for granted.
But deliver us from the Evil One. Oh Lord that our own sins would never cloud our eyes from your Truth! Do not allow Satan to pollute our minds with doubts or fears or misplaced anger.
For thine is the Kingdom. We trust you and your plan. We trust your love and your wisdom.
And the power. You are strong. You are good.
And the glory. And we vow to honor you with our lips and our lives no matter the outcome.
Forever, Amen. Amen.