Sunday, January 16, 2011

What I have been thinking...

Sorry I've been MIA.  By now I think those of you who first heard Waverley's story here and were captivated by it are following Matt and Molly's blog, so you know that Wavy's birthfather was awarded custody on Wednesday.  I've been at a loss for what to write about in response to this decision.  My initial response was disbelief.  I kept reading and re-reading Matt's words thinking I must be misunderstanding something.  I said out loud, "I can't believe it" about 100 times.

I still can't really believe it.  I am just shocked and confused and dumbfounded and angry and devastated and heartbroken.  The same emotions that rushed over us when we first heard that Matt and Molly had lost the Supreme Court appeal are now back and raw and harsh all over again. Somehow we had gathered enough hope over the last 2.5 months to believe that the ending to this story hadn't really been written yet and that there was a surprise twist ending that would leave us happy and celebrating.  I never thought that twist would be that the courts would go against all common sense and logic by tearing a little girl from a healthy, whole family and putting her in a half-family without a mom or a sister or a dad who knows that to be a father is to set aside your own interests for the best of your child - not sacrifice a child's well-being because your rights have been violated!  It's so discouraging that there were so many opportunities for adults to make wise decisions to protect a child and they all failed to do so.

I still don't really know what to say or where to go from here.  To be honest, I waver back and forth between denial (I keep thinking there's gotta be something else that can be done!  This can't be the end of this!) and complete discouragement.  I've prayed and prayed and I just don't have any answers.  And that's okay.

So although I still don't really know what to say, I wanted to at least write something tonight because it is Waverley's last night with her family.  Tomorrow she officially lives with her birthfather.  Matt and Molly will visit her a few times in the next few weeks, but she no longer lives with them.  As heartbreaking as that reality is, I want to leave you with a few things that I know to be true:

- Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8  Nothing about this outcome has changed who God is.  It doesn't affect his goodness or his faithfulness or his sovereignty or his compassion.

- God sent his Son to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law so that he could adopt us as his very own children.  And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, "Abba, Father." Galatians 4:4-7  Waverley's true Father is in Heaven.  No court can reverse the Heavenly adoption that has taken place.

- With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible. Matthew 19:26  I cannot give up on that miracle lamb.  It might sound so ridiculous to you at this stage in the game with Waverley moved out of her house and living with her birthfather, that I am still talking about a lamb, but Jesus himself said that the things that are impossible with man are possible with God!  Until I feel like the Lord is telling me to move on, I will continue to pray for that Lamb.

On that note, I want to share one last thing.

As I've been praying for Matt and Molly, I have been reading through the story of Moses.  You know, the little kid whose mom saved his life by sending him afloat in a basket down river to be found and adopted by an Egyptian princess?  I have thought of this story many times in my prayers for Waverley.  Other than the adoption link, there are two things I have been praying through as I try to understand why things have happened the way they have:

- Exodus 7:3-5 But I will make Pharaoh's heart stubborn so I can multiply my miraculous signs and wonders in the land of Egypt...When I raise my powerful hand and bring out the Israelites, the Egyptians will know that I am the Lord.  I counted 12 times in these chapters where Scriptures say that the Lord hardened Pharoah's heart so that he could multiply his miraculous signs in the land of Egypt.  Could the Lord be hardening the hearts of the judges and lawyers and Wavy's birthfather so that he has the opportunity to do a miracle that can only be credited to Him?

- Exodus 13: 17-18  My Bible titles this section "Israel's Wilderness Detour."  I've never paid that much attention to this until my dad mentioned it a few days ago.  It says this:

When Pharaoh finally let the people go, God did not lead them along the main road that runs through Philistine territory, even though that was the shortest route to the Promised Land.  God said, "If the people are faced with a battle, they might change their minds and return to Egypt."  So God led them in a roundabout way through the wilderness toward the Red Sea.

Isn't that interesting?  It has really made me think.  I can imagine that the Israelites thought Moses was nuts to lead them "a roundabout way through the wilderness" when there was a much more direct route to the Promised Land.  I wonder how many battles the Lord has spared me from by leading me in roundabout ways.  And I wonder, will we look back at this time and call it "Waverley's Wilderness Detour?"

Well, my "Waverley Alarm," as Eric and I have started calling it, went off while I was writing this and so now is a perfect time to close my computer and retreat into the only place that has made sense these last 5 days - the presence of our Heavenly Father who has graciously whispered to me as I have begged him for reasons and answers and miracles, "Don't worry.  Nothing about who I am has changed.  I am still Waverley's true Father despite what any court rules.  I have called her from the ends of the earth and I will not turn away from her.  She is mine."

Sorry if this post was all over the place - but that gives you some insight into my heart and brain these last few days!  As you all continue to pray for our friends, I encourage you to spend some time listening for the Lord's assurance and comfort.  I know for me, praying for Matt, Molly, Wavy and Harper has brought me to a new and intimate place with the Lord.  I hope that the same has happened for you.

I'm keeping my Waverley Alarms set.  Will you please keep praying with me?


annaelyse said...

i really love this kels. and i really love you.

Katy said...

I love you too Kelsey. Yes, I continue to pray for Waverly, Matt, Molly and Harper. Sometimes I feel like I pray all day, at different times for everyone involved, including you and Eric. I'm going to be longwinded here for a moment, someone on wavybel's blog said a lot of tragic things have been happening to Christian people lately, I agree. I see so much heartache right now all around me. What do I do but pray?

Mira's mom said...

Still standing with you in prayer. I think about their family everyday. I checked their site, but no recent updates. How are they?

Bonno said...

"Don't worry. Nothing about who I am has changed...I have called her from the ends of the earth and I will not turn away from her. She is mine."

"Nothing about who I am has changed." Thank you for speaking the truth. Praying for your friends. Love you guys.

nichole said...

Found your blog just surfing the internet late at night and I believe it was by no accident. I too, will pray for that lamb. this is heartbreaking to me. I love what you said about her being a child of God's and nothing can seperate her from that. I pray for her safety, her spirit to be protected. I pray for her parents. i cannot imagine losing a child. to them I repeat what I once heard during a sermon-God talking to his people: "I know everything about your life. I am not asleep. I am aware. I am watching over you; HANG IN THERE. I am right there with you." please keep us updated if anything in this situation changes.