Saturday, March 26, 2011

cookies and other slippery slopes

There is a story we tell in our family about Little Sister's manipulating skills as a child.  The story goes that Jessica had asked for a cookie and been denied.  As a newly verbal toddler, she proceeds to lead my mom down a slippery slope.  At first she just says, "Look.  Look.  Look," nodding her head in encouraging my mom to at least let her look at the cookie.  So my mom lets her look.  But that turns into "Touch it.  Touch it.  Touch it."  Which turns into hold it.  Which turns into lick it.  Which turns into taste it.  Which turns into bite it.  Which eventually leads to "'Nother, 'nother."  I'm sure Mom knew where this was going when it started and just wanted to see the path it would take to get there.  It's amazing how easily you can find yourself at the bottom of a slippery slope.

Tonight I broke one of the cardinal rules of parenting: never disturb a sleeping child.

Here's the slope on which I slipped.  Fridays I get the privilege of caring for my friend's sweet daughter, Ruby.  She is a joy and Lila loves her, but that doesn't mean it's easy for her to see her mommy cuddling another baby all day.  It made her a little needy.

Lila checking out Baby Ruby

Plus we didn't go outside at all today because Kansas is being stupid and our week that started out at 80 degrees is closing out with snow.  And we all know how much Lila needs to be outside.  On top of that, poor Baby Girl got some shots yesterday so she wasn't feeling great today.  By the time the Husband got home we already had a grumpy baby on our hands.  And then I had a wedding shower to attend tonight so that left the Husband on daddy-duty.  At which he excels.  However, Lila didn't make it easy on him.  So when I asked my usual question for nights that I don't get to put Lila to bed, "How was the baby?" his answer was, "GRUMPY."  Which made me sad for them because she spends all day asking for her daddy and then is a big ole grumpalump for him when they get some daddy-daughter hangout time.

So tonight, I was feeling sad that she wasn't feeling good and had a long day and was grumpy for her daddy and I didn't get to kiss her goodnight and, and, and... I'm saying all this to Eric.  We often talk about how we miss her after she's been in bed for a few hours.  So tonight I said, "I miss her.  I'm going to go look at her."  Dangerous, Kelsey.  You know what else started with just looking?  Jessica's cookie.  But I looked anyway.  Which turned into brushing the hair out of her face.  Which turned into putting my hand on her tummy.  Which turned into picking her up to snuggle her.

But let's back up a second.  Before it escalated to picking her up, I was just standing there looking at her and I was thinking about how earlier today I had my first moment of actual tears at the realization of how big Baby Girl is getting.  While I was changing Ruby's diaper, Lila wanted to get in Baby Ruby's bassinet (actually, it's the bassinet we used for LJ when she was a tiny peanut), so I put her in it.  And her feet dangled off the end.  I looked down at her and saw her big toddler body that didn't fit in the baby bassinet anymore and I just started crying.  She looked at me rather concerned so I explained, "Lila, you are so big and that makes Mommy sad!"

So fast forward back to tonight when I was standing above her crib looking at my baby who was now a toddler and I suddenly realized that it won't be long before she is too big for her crib, too big for me to hold and snuggle.  To which I told myself, "Don't let an opportunity to hold her slip by you!  She's here now and still small enough to pick up out of a crib to hold tight, so do it!"  And I did.  And I don't regret it at all.  So there.  'Nother?


Katy said...

You have the most interesting stories! I totally understand your sadness at baby girl growing! I feel the same way about mine!

Jessica Blake said...

Nother is right.
she looks so big, (and effing cute) sitting next to ruby, checkin' out the goods that mommy's been holding all day. i love it.

Anonymous said...

love this post of course, because it is one of my all
time favorite stories about jess. and now you are relating it to my all time favorite lila!! i would have done the same thing- hold it.

Stewart Family Blog said...

sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. i'm glad you picked her up! i use to break all sorts of 'rules" just because it was all passing by so quickly. sometimes i wish i could go back and break a few more.

Annabelle said...

You are such a great mama my friend. :)