|For the first five parts of our new story, click here.|
One friend I had shared my processing with from the very beginning was my dear friend (and doula at Lila's birth), Genny. Genny is pretty discerning and often hears things in my words that I don't even realize I'm saying. As I processed our meeting with the local agency, I mentioned the statistic that had caught my attention. Wisely, Genny commented that the woman who had met with us had probably shared many statistics with us and the fact that this particular one stuck with me was probably significant. She encouraged me to pray into that and ask the Lord if there was something more to that hesitation I was feeling.
So when Eric and I collapsed into bed that night, I casually mentioned that I thought we needed to reconsider international adoption. Poor Husband. He responded as I should have expected: "Well, I've been processing all of this in light of our decision to go the domestic route, so I'll have to think about that a bit." That was fine with me. After all, I was still floundering quite a bit anyway.
So we both thought. And prayed. And thought. And prayed. And two months passed. It was now the end of May, and while we still didn't feel like we had an absolute answer, the truth was international adoption was more and more feeling like a better fit for us. A few months before, adopting a toddler, waiting for Lila to be older and traveling to a foreign country all weighed heavy on us as reasons to rule out international adoption, but now, for whatever reason (perhaps because Lila was older?) those things just didn't feel quite as heavy.
Again, we came back to the question, "Why do we think the Lord wants us to adopt?" As much as we wanted a clear answer to that, what it really came down to was what we didn't hear. We didn't think the Lord was saying that there was a specific child for us locally. We believe that the universal call on God's people is to "take care of the orphans and widows" and with that in mind, it seemed logical to pursue adopting a child who would potentially be left permanently orphaned otherwise, rather than one who has many families "fighting" to be chosen to parent him or her. (NOTE: In no way are we saying that domestic adoption is a lesser choice to international adoption!! Let me repeat: WE DO NOT BELIEVE THAT INTERNATIONAL ADOPTION IS BETTER OR MORE RIGHTEOUS THAN DOMESTIC ADOPTION. We simply believe that for us, the road of obedience led us to adopt internationally.)
We found ourselves in a familiar place - having made a "logical" decision to rule out one road to adoption. We had a lot of hope in our hearts, but still a lot of uncertainty. Would we find ourselves flip-flopping back to domestic adoption in a few months time? If not, from which country should we adopt? And we still had that nagging question, "Was God saying adopt next or was he simply reminding us that adoption is in our family's story and telling us adopt someday?"
Check in tomorrow for part seven!