Thursday, August 11, 2011

and now, everything changes...again!

A few weeks ago at church, I congratulated a newly-pregnant friend and she responded with "Congrats to you, too!"  She was, of course, referring to our newly announced news that we are adopting.  But in the context of pregnancy congratulations, it took me aback because, well, I don't feel pregnant.  I'm not throwing up or exhausted or peeing every ten minutes.  But I suppose I'm as pregnant as I'll ever be for this baby.  That has me thinking about how many things will be different in this "pregnancy."

We have many of the same emotions: excited, nervous, anxious, thrilled, hopeful, thankful, etc.  But this time there's no book to read, no doctor's appointments to make sure everything's progressing normally, no growing belly, no excuses for eating entire Totino's Party Pizzas by myself.  There's no reason for strangers to ask when we're due. There's no absolute timeline.  We could wait a year for our baby or we could wait two or more years.

And the reality of the differences between this pregnancy and my pregnancy with Lila also has me wondering about how our experience as the parents of our Ethiopian baby will be different from our experience as Lila's parents.  Some are obvious: I won't get the bond of carrying, birthing and nursing this baby.  We won't have those conversations of whose eyes he or she has.  At this point, we don't even know how much of our baby's infancy we will miss out on.

But much will be the same.  I have faith that the Lord will give us ways to bond and feel connected to our Small One across the world.  After all, he's done that for other people.  I'm excited to see the ways he blesses us with a parental connection to our baby even before we know who he or she is.  In a lot of ways, I am learning to embrace that whole thing about "treasuring things in my heart."  Because unless I want to break out the button that says, "Ask me about my Ethiopian baby!" I think this pregnancy will be a bit more private than my pregnancy with Lila.

The better word for it is expecting.  You know, that old-fashioned term from the I Love Lucy era where husbands and wives weren't even allowed to sleep in the same bed on camera?  In fact, when Lucille Ball's pregnancy was written into the show, network sensors wouldn't let them use the word pregnant, but "expecting" was permissible.  (Why do I know this?  Because I was obsessed with I Love Lucy when I was in middle school.  Lucy and the Beatles.  I was convinced I was born in the wrong decade. Just a little Kelsey tidbit.)  

So we are expecting.  Expecting to be patient, to wait, to hope, to be discouraged and to be encouraged.  Expecting to be surprised and taken off guard by the good and the bad.  We are expecting to be terrified by how much we love him or her - just as we were with Lila.  We're expecting for things to be blissful and things to be hard.  We are expecting to wonder what in the world we are doing and we are expecting God to fill in the gaps.

We started this blog when I first found out I was pregnant with Lila.  I asked the Husband what to call it and without hesitation he said, "Make way for the awesome kid."  So that's what we called it.  And now we find ourselves "making way" again, but I'm beginning to realize just how different the way will be.

Because this time, I'm not pregnant.  I'm expecting.

1 comment:

Katy said...

I love this blog!! I loved I love Lucy too!! I am praying for you three always!