Tuesday, January 22, 2013


When I say I was terrified, I mean that kind of holy fear you feel when you know you might be getting into something deeper and wider than your own little self can handle on her own.  I felt a similar fear when I was pregnant with Lila.  I worried I wouldn't know what to do, that I wouldn't be a good enough mom, that I wouldn't be able to figure her out.  I have the same fears about Faith, but I know it's the good kind of fear.  The kind of fear you feel because of how important the task is.

With that fear bubbling up in our hearts and guts, we waiting anxiously for news from our agency about a decision from Faith's birth mom.  After a whirlwind week, we were hoping to have some answers so that we could make some decisions regarding our China home study.

I'll be honest I couldn't help but send multiple emails asking our agency if there was any news or at least when we could expect news.  I refreshed my email late into the night - well past the hour I would expect the adoption consultant to be working.  When I awoke the next morning I sent another email.  I'm sure she was so appreciative of me hassling her.

In my memory, we didn't hear from her until much later in the day because it felt like we waiting eons, but I just went back and checked the time stamp on the email and she actually emailed me back a little before 8:00am the next day.  I absorbed every word.  Especially these words: 

She really liked the information about you and was touched by several things you said in your letter.


 I definitely felt she was most interested in your family.

I was positively giddy.  I forward the email to the Husband with nine exclamation points as my only text.


Also in the email she said that Faith's birth mom did not indicate when she would make a decision and that she got the feeling that Faith's birth mom was not feeling a need to rush the decision.  We were okay with that, especially since Christmas was upon us and it seemed just as well to not expect to hear anything until after the holidays.  We were encouraged by the positive feedback and resolved ourselves to enjoy Christmas without obsessing over what might happen.  (Little did we know that we would all be sick as dogs for Christmas.  I'm still a little grumpy about that.)

Christmas passed and we still hadn't heard anything.  I made it a whole week before emailing the agency again to see if they had heard anything.  The adoption consultant responded saying she still hadn't heard anything new.  But once again she affirmed that, while she obviously couldn't guarantee anything, she still believed that our chances of being selected by Faith's birth mom were good.

We might have been more lax about it, but we were so aware of the fact that we were technically still in the middle of a Chinese adoption and an Ethiopian adoption in addition to flirting with Faith's domestic adoption!  In fact, one of our references for our home study asked me, "So, which adoption is this for?"  I laughed because it was a fair question being that we were in the middle of THREE adoptions! It was the oddest feeling, to be at once so confused and so peaceful!

We did have a deadline looming, however - the end of the 60 day refund period during which we could withdraw our application for the China program and get back $1200 of the $1700 we had invested in our Chinese adoption.  I put a call in to our international agency and tried my best to explain the situation (remember, it's pretty complicated) and to clarify our options.  They were gracious to us and gave us an extension of the refund period while we waited to hear from Faith's birth mom.  At the time, we were under the impression that Faith's birth mom would make a decision by the end of January, so they told us they would give us until then.

In hindsight, I wonder if our illness that lasted from Christmas through the New Year, wasn't some sort of twisted heavenly gift.  We were so sick that we hardly had time to obsess over the weeks of hearing nothing.  Although I managed to obsess a little.  I'm tenacious that way.

1 comment:

K. Ewton said...

Wow! So exciting, yet at the same time nail-biting suspenseful! Can't wait to hear what happens next in your adoption journey, and hoping for some good news for y'all soon!