This month has been hard. It's been bittersweet. Bitter because I have had a hard time coming up with things I love about you in the midst of the difficult month you and I have had together. We seemed to hit our peak of drama when both of us were stomping mad and slamming doors. It's a little more embarrassing for me to admit my actions because, hello! I'm supposed to be the grown up here! But Child? You know how to push my buttons!
But the timing of 28 days of loving you has been sweet because, as a friend said to me, it's good to be forced to look for the good in the midst of a hard season.
Tonight, I believe the Lord gave me a reason to love your will.
You have been sick all week. Until today, you've been sick (fever, occasional vomiting and lack of appetite) but happy and relatively active. Today, however, you were on your feet for less than ten minutes all day. To say that is unusual would be an insult to an understatement. You took three naps, wanted me to hold you most of the day and said all of ten words which is, of course, another bizarre occurrence. I started to get worried about you. You weren't eating or drinking much, you had vomited several times and you were so lethargic.
|You fell asleep in my lap multiple times today|
And this is where the whole "I love your will" thing comes into play. Never have I been so relieved to see you throwing a fit! You broke out all your go-to strategies: throwing things, hitting me, spitting, etc. Eventually I decided to put you in a Pull-Up thinking that you might more willingly pee in it, which made you even more mad. I wanted to shut this fit down as quickly as possible fearing it could lead to more vomiting or some other unwanted side effect, so I decided to just let you flail it out in your room by yourself. You did not want the light on and you did not want us in there so we just let you be in the dark room by yourself.
After about ten minutes your screeches had been downgraded to whines and wails so I peeked in to see what you were up to. You were sitting bare-bottomed on the wool area rug with your pants around your ankles and your Pull-Up on the floor next to you in the middle of the dark room. I almost laughed in relief. In fact, you saw me smirk a bit and yelled, "Don't SMILE!" because you thought I was making light of your misery. But in reality, all I could think was, "Thank goodness she's okay!" Half naked in an act of defiance is the best evidence that your normal self was lurking close to the surface. I had been worried that "normal" you had been displaced by sickly you.
Now, don't get me wrong, in the grand scheme of things we are working toward a normal healthy you that is obedient and non-fit-throwing. But for today, I was so happy to see the naughty, defiant you emerge even if it was just for a few minutes. Soon enough, you were falling asleep sitting up so I got you dressed again and put you to bed.
And good news, I checked on you a few hours later and had you sit on the potty and guess what?! You peed! Ahh, the sweet sound of hydration!
(Yes, this is how we spent our Friday night. Glamorous, huh?)
Feel better, Baby Girl. Your daddy desperately wants to build a snowman with you tomorrow!