Thursday, May 16, 2013

Thoughts on Mother's Day: Dear Faith

Dear Faith-baby,

You really are the sweetest little cuddle bug there ever was.  I love the look you give me when I come around the car to get you out of your carseat.  It's like, "Oh!  It's you!  You came for me!"  I think you like me and I know I like you.  I am sorry for the moments in the last eight weeks that you might have been scared or insecure that your little baby body couldn't articulate.  It must be overwhelming to feel big emotions and not be able to tell anyone about them.  It makes me so sad to think about that for you.

I know that your First Mama misses you a lot.  She can barely make it a week without emailing me for a new picture.  I am, of course, more than willing to oblige.  There's been a lot of talk recently about adoption ethics and I am so thankful that your daddy and I were able to sit in a room with your First Mama and Baba and hear from their own mouths that, yes, they were willingly choosing adoption and for these reasons.  I am also so thankful that I can assure you throughout your life that your First Parents loved you so very much.  They are my heroes and my heart breaks for them that they have to have the word first in front of their title and they can't just be your parents.  I know they would have parented you if they felt that they could have, but they didn't think that they could give you everything your special little self needed.  We are so glad that they chose us to meet those needs.
Look how little you were!  You have grown up so much!
I am so proud of how much you have grown and changed in the eight weeks we have been your family.  You were a floppy little thing when we brought you home, but now you roll every which way (it's no longer safe to leave you unattended on the bed!) and you are getting so close to sitting up!  You can scoot yourself forward when we give you something to push your strong legs against and I am just so proud of every little achievement you accomplish!

One of my favorite things is the look on your face when you have just rolled over or when you have gotten your balance to sit with help.  It's this wonderful mix of surprise, pride and excitement and it is often accompanied by a little squawk of delight!  It's the best.
You think you're big stuff, don't you?
We are still figuring out the whole eating thing, but we're making it.  We've tried a bunch of different strategies, but you are a particular and stubborn girl and you require your bottle at the perfect temperature and would like to only eat an ounce or two at a time.  The doctor says that we need to get you eating more and we are doing what we can to encourage you, but I can't force you to eat nor do I want to.  I know we'll figure it out in time and you are happy so I'm trying not to get too worried.

You have your first little cold (well, it's not necessarily little, but you're little so I find myself calling anything to do with you little - "little cereal, little socks, little toys, little bottle, little bink, little, little, little") and it is making it hard for you to breathe.  You did okay last night, but this morning you were so miserable and tired and the only way I could get you to sleep was propped up in my arms:
Sicky baby

It's hard to breathe when you barely have a nose, isn't it?  Poor little snuggly baby.  You kept coughing and your eyes were watering and you just kept looking at me and seemed to be saying, "Help me, please!"  It was so sad.  Your big sis takes full responsibility.  She told me, "I shared my cold with her!"  I guess my attempt to quarantine her wasn't successful.  She just can't keep her hands off you - she loves you so!

Faith, I want you to know that Mother's Day will always be bitter-sweet for me.  I will never be able to celebrate fully without also thinking about your First Mama.  You have two mothers who are committed to mothering you in the ways we are able.  I am grateful to share that wonderful job with your First Mama.  She is an amazing, selfless, smart and driven woman.  She has sacrificed a lot - her own happiness in many ways - to give you the best life possible.  I am humbled that she chose our family to give you your best life.  With Jesus' help, we will do our best to give you your best.  I love, love, love being your Mommy.

Last year at this time I never could have imagined that I would be celebrating this Mother's Day with two little people who call me Mommy.  Consider me blissfully surprised and thankful!

Happy Mother's Day (a few days late) to all you Mommies and Birth-mothers.  And to those of you for whom Mother's Day is bitter-sweet or many just bitter  - maybe you long to be a mom and it can't or hasn't happened yet, maybe you lost your own mom, maybe you are a birth mother missing your child, maybe you are an adoptive mom grieving for your child's first family - whatever the reason, may you feel the comfort of our Heavenly Father and may this day be redeemed in your life in surprising and miraculous ways.


Nancy said...

Sweet and loved filled! And I agree with all of those cute things about Faith.

Katy said...

Poor baby Faith! I have been thinking and praying for you! This post brought tears to my eyes! You are so brave and so full of LOVE!