Tuesday, July 23, 2013

you might be a mom of a preschooler if...

...the world threatens to come apart at the seams because you have the nerve to suggest that your child wear a different dress than she wanted to wear
Actual preschooler quote: "I never wanted to wear that dreeeeesssssssssss! Sob, sob, wail, wail, flop, dramatic flop, even more dramatic flop.
The offending dress.  I know.  It's hideous.  How could I even consider asking her to wear such an atrocity?
...you discover the Noah's Ark animals paired up in different locales around your house - under the dishwasher, at the end of the hallway, tucked under the couch, inside the closet, at the foot of the bed.
Actual preschooler quote: "They're in their habitats.  A habitat is where animals live."  Thank you Sesame Street.

...you buy the giant Costco package of Raisin Bran because there was a coupon and because your child excitedly indicated that she wanted that cereal.  And then you catch her picking only the raisins out and rejecting the bran flakes.  And when you ask her why she didn't just ask for raisins she looks contemplative and then says, 
Actual preschooler quote: "Can I have some raisins, please?"

...you have to stifle a giggle/smirk/guffaw/snicker at the raw honesty of your child's conversation.
Actual preschooler quote: "I don't want to say please right now because I'm feeling grumpy."

...you find yourself absent-mindedly singing things like, "If you have to go potty - stop! - and go right away!  Flush and wash and be on your way!"
Actual preschooler quote: "No, Mommy.  You're not allowed to sing that because you aren't on Daniel Tiger."

...you find yourself dreaming (pun intended) of a night's sleep during which there are only four legs in your bed, because you've learned that any extra legs make it near impossible to avoid being kicked in the face.
Actual preschooler quote (in the middle of the night while she is horizontal in my bed with her head on the Husband's chest and her feet on my head): "Mommy, stop pushing my feet!"

...your sense of decorating style gets trumped by practicality and you find yourself stretching a fitted crib sheet around the mirror above your daughter's dresser.
Actual preschooler quote: "I saw me in the mirror and it surprised me and I don't like being surprised!"
You can pin it if you want to.  I know you want to.
...you remind yourself on a daily basis who the grown up is and who the child is in an effort to not sink to her level.
Actual preschooler quote: "Are you a mean mommy today?" (because the fifth time I asked her to put her milk in the fridge, my voice sounded mildly stern)

...you find yourself simultaneously the most exhausted and the most fulfilled you have ever felt in your entire life.
Actual preschooler quote: "Mommy, you look BEAUTIFUL."  Greasy hair, dark circles from lack of sleep due to aforementioned extra legs in my bed, no makeup, and stinky armpits, but I'm wearing a skirt which negates everything else and I am dubbed: beautiful.  Bless her.

So.  Are you a mom of a preschooler? Do you have any to add?

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