Tuesday, March 4, 2014

The 8th Anniversary is the Lice Anniversary

This post is full of whiny complaining so I'm gonna go ahead and throw in some random pictures from the last month to brighten the tone a little bit.

You may have noticed that I took an unintentional break from blogging in February.  The reason?  Two words: snow and illness.

Like much of the rest of the country, we were buried under several feet of snow for too many days - so many I lost count.  The first few days it was fun to stay in and snuggle in our warm house while the flakes piled high forming caps on our cars and covering every blade of grass.  But things got desperate when the Husband came down with a capital C Cold - the sort that really should have another name because it was much more than the sniffles and a sore throat (I know because I also had the privilege of experiencing it) - and then we proceeded to spread it to every member of the family.

That sucker did not leave quietly nor quickly.  So after three weeks of being homebound, after three weeks of my extroverted daughter begging me every day to have a friend come over, after three weeks of poor sleep from either being sick ourselves or up with sick kids, after three weeks of fevers and snot and coughs and general misery, I was done.  I wanted a sick day.  I was longing for the reality of my life in 2008 before children when I could take a sick day and sleep and watch The Price is Right and I Love Lucy.  I just wanted to revisit those glorious pre-children days and then hop right back into this wonderful life I've been given.  You know, after a good nap.

When we hit 48 hours with no one having a fever I started to get hopeful that we were through the worst of it.  And I think we were.  But Lila threw up in the car today so...there's that.*  I'm kind of in denial that we might be entering into round 8 of sickness in our house.  *Well it was "today" when I wrote this on Thursday.  Now it's Saturday** and I'm thankful to report that the car vomit seems to have been an isolated incident. **And now it's Tuesday and I am finally getting around to finishing this post.

I woke up yesterday morning with the resolve to catch up on the laundry and dishes and to try to purge the house of any hibernating cold and flu bugs.  I spent the day scrubbing the bathrooms and folding laundry and was feeling pretty good about my accomplishments, albeit a bit worn out, when the Husband came home.  After dinner I hopped in the shower and had just gotten out when the Husband knocked on the door.  "We have a problem," he said solemnly and held out a squirming speck with six legs in between his fingers.  "I just pulled this out of Lila's hair."

Lice.  Lice.  

I couldn't believe it.  This is not happening my brain insisted.  And then my brain started wondering if we all had lice.  Did Faith have lice?  The Husband and I probably have them since Lila's been migrating to our bed in the middle of the night the last few days.  They're probably lurking on every possible surface.  Oh my gosh, what are we going to do?  The Husband's voice broke into my flurry of panicked thoughts,  "Should we give her a bath?  Should I wash her sheets?" he asked helpfully.  We briefly debated the merits of washing her sheets when her hair was still full of lice and nits.  In the meantime Lila was interrupting with incessant questions, "What's lice?  Why is my head itchy?  Is that a bug?  Why was the bug in my hair?  How did it get there?"

Finally I hit my limit and said "Let's just put her to bed and deal with it in the morning."  Then I proceeded to dream that I had lice and that they had settled in my ear.  I woke up frantically wiggling my finger around in my right ear to relieve the subconscious itch.

In the morning I woke up with my brain already running in circles trying to figure out how I was going to get all of the bedsheets and pillows and stuffed animals and coats and clothes and furniture and children's heads deloused.  I woke up swimming in panic and exhaustion from a long day before that had come on the heels of a painfully long month.  I begged the Husband to not abandon me (you know, to go to his job where he works really hard to bring home the bacon - not, like, to go do something fun) to deal with this by myself.  "I can't do it.  I can't," I told him with legitimate tears in my eyes.  And because he is a) an awesome Husband and b) a smart man who knows his wife's pre-breakdown warning signs and c) an awesome Husband, he called his job to say he'd be in late and stayed home to help me figure out how to delouse our daughter.  Make that daughters.  Because guess who else had lice?

Then I texted my friend, "Lila has lice.  I don't know how we didn't know we had them before now.  There are SO many.  I don't want this to be my life right now."

Five seconds later my friend was calling me, "Do you want me to come over and help you do laundry?  We just went through that at our house - it was going around my daughter's school.  I have shampoo and the special comb and spray for the furniture.  I can come over right now!"  I have great friends, man.  Just saying.

"That's so kind.  We are still formulating our plan - I'll let you know if I need help.  Thanks for the offer."

"Well if there are a lot of them and you feel overwhelmed, you could try one of those professional delousing places," she said as we hung up.

I had no idea such places existed.  I sort of wish I still lived in that blissfully ignorant lice-free la-la land in which such knowledge is unnecessary.  But since I now hold residency in the disgustingly lice-infested boo-hoo land, I googled "Lice removal Kansas City" and then proceeded to call each listing to get the details of their services.

In less than an hour, the kids were loaded in the car and we were heading to the cheapest of the lice removal salons.  I looked over at the Husband and said, "Thank you for coming with me."

To which he responded, "Happy Anniversary."

And it was at that moment that I remembered that today is our 8th anniversary.

Happy Anniversary, Husband.  Thank you for walking beside me in every season of my life - even the ones that include human parasites.

P.S. Both Faith and Lila had lice.  The Husband and I were clear, miraculously.  It took the lady two hours to pick through Lila's hair and remove all the nits and lice.  It was worth every penny to know that it was done correctly and that I wasn't the one to force Lila to sit still for two hours while I combed through her hair.  Here's hoping we've seen the last of those nasty bugs.


bethany tab said...

Oh dear. I'm so sorry your anniversary got washed under the lice ordeal. I remember coming home with lice over and over and I never appreciated all the work my mom had to do to get rid of it. Still reading over here, sorry it's been so long since I commented!

Sarah B said...

Oh no!!!! So sorry to hear about this saga!!! Boo for Lice! Happy anniversary though! Hope you got to celebrate it in a fun way after a good nap in your clean house!

Mr. Colorful said...

Look at the bright side, you have much better options for lice removal than existed 50 years ago. (I assume that you would not have liked for your daughters to have shaved heads and then had to bathe them in kerosene.)

In other news. I remember your wedding, it was the most interesting wedding that I have ever been to.