Wednesday, February 4, 2015

giving thanks while throwing up

Guys.  I'm real sick.  This baby is knocking me flat on the floor.  Lila just turned five which means it's been almost five years since I was pregnant with her.  I'm convinced my body doesn't remember being pregnant because it seems to be in shock.  I am 17 weeks and still throwing up.  Somebody save me.

Being pregnant and parenting other children is a game changer - especially when one child is a two-year-old with Down syndrome who is in that destructive and death-defying phase in which FUN = scaling furniture or pulling all the baby wipes out of the containers.  We have our pack-n-play set up in the family room as a permanent fixture and Faith spends more time in there than I'd like to admit.  For Christmas we got her a bag of 150 balls that we dump in the pack-n-play with her and she spends the next 15 minutes throwing them out.  15 minutes of her safely occupied means I can lay on the couch and moan in peace.

I'm hoping I'm about to turn the corner in this pregnancy and start feeling like a normal and functional person again. Until then, it's all about survival.  I tell myself as long as my children are safe, fed and (mostly) dressed, I'm doing okay.  If you try to tell me I'm not doing enough, I will cry and throw up on you.  I'm very hormonal and nauseous so criticize at your own risk.

Despite all that, moments like this make me want 35 children:

I love the way Faith looks at Lila.

Oh man, they're the best.

And of course, despite being completely miserable, I am so beyond grateful to be pregnant.  I had really started to believe that I would never be pregnant again.  This baby is the best kind of hope fulfilled.  It still feels surreal that I get to decorate a nursery and talk baby names and make guesses as to the baby's gender.  I never want to lose sight of the gift this baby is to our family.  I never want to take for granted that I am getting to do what so many women long to experience.  I never want to forget the collective years of longing and tears shed over so many failed pregnancy tests.  Every time I puke, I want to whisper (along with my prayers of desperation for the nausea to relent) a prayer of thanks for the life growing inside me.

Other things I am thankful for:
- a supportive Husband who takes on more than his share of household duties so I can lie on the couch with a washcloth on my forehead
- a sweet five-year-old who is so excited for her brother (she refuses to acknowledge that it might be a girl) that she takes it upon herself to keep my water bottle full, my feet covered by the blanket, her sister entertained, and my bowl of Cheerios stocked
It's not all love and sweetness.  I found this in her desk in the playroom.  Apparently she was mad at me for some reason.
- a cute two-year-old whose shenanigans keep me distracted from the nausea and motivate me to get up off the couch
Her favorite place to sit - in the shelf.  P.S. FOOTIE PJS!
- Zofran.  Hallelujah.
- a job that is understanding when I text that I can't stop throwing up and show up 30 minutes late to school to find my principal taking care of my class for me
- 70 degree days in January (never mind that it was 25 degrees and snowing a few days later!) during which the kids can play on the deck while I sip my Dr. Pepper.  Which reminds me...
- Dr. Pepper!  The only thing that settles my stomach.  I said to the Husband the other day, "I don't know how I'd survive this pregnancy without Dr. Pepper."  To which he responded, "How is that different from any other day?" Cheeky.
- our new house and our mini van - two significant purchases we made in the last year that we are so grateful for now that we'll be a family of five!
- proof of life growing inside me - even in the form of surging hormones

I have so much I haven't documented on this blog and I keep going back and forth between wanting to get caught up and just picking up where we are and moving forward.  And then I realize I have more pressing matters to attend to - like pulling Faith down from fireplace or making it to the bathroom in time - and the blog falls off my radar again.

So until I figure it out, I'll leave you with this cuteness:
Gotta love that low tone flexibility!

1 comment:

Totschies said...

Loved this post, loved the pictures especially:)