Being pregnant and parenting other children is a game changer - especially when one child is a two-year-old with Down syndrome who is in that destructive and death-defying phase in which FUN = scaling furniture or pulling all the baby wipes out of the containers. We have our pack-n-play set up in the family room as a permanent fixture and Faith spends more time in there than I'd like to admit. For Christmas we got her a bag of 150 balls that we dump in the pack-n-play with her and she spends the next 15 minutes throwing them out. 15 minutes of her safely occupied means I can lay on the couch and moan in peace.
I'm hoping I'm about to turn the corner in this pregnancy and start feeling like a normal and functional person again. Until then, it's all about survival. I tell myself as long as my children are safe, fed and (mostly) dressed, I'm doing okay. If you try to tell me I'm not doing enough, I will cry and throw up on you. I'm very hormonal and nauseous so criticize at your own risk.
Despite all that, moments like this make me want 35 children:
Oh man, they're the best.
And of course, despite being completely miserable, I am so beyond grateful to be pregnant. I had really started to believe that I would never be pregnant again. This baby is the best kind of hope fulfilled. It still feels surreal that I get to decorate a nursery and talk baby names and make guesses as to the baby's gender. I never want to lose sight of the gift this baby is to our family. I never want to take for granted that I am getting to do what so many women long to experience. I never want to forget the collective years of longing and tears shed over so many failed pregnancy tests. Every time I puke, I want to whisper (along with my prayers of desperation for the nausea to relent) a prayer of thanks for the life growing inside me.
Other things I am thankful for:
- a supportive Husband who takes on more than his share of household duties so I can lie on the couch with a washcloth on my forehead
- a sweet five-year-old who is so excited for her brother (she refuses to acknowledge that it might be a girl) that she takes it upon herself to keep my water bottle full, my feet covered by the blanket, her sister entertained, and my bowl of Cheerios stocked
|It's not all love and sweetness. I found this in her desk in the playroom. Apparently she was mad at me for some reason.|
|Her favorite place to sit - in the shelf. P.S. FOOTIE PJS!|
- a job that is understanding when I text that I can't stop throwing up and show up 30 minutes late to school to find my principal taking care of my class for me
- 70 degree days in January (never mind that it was 25 degrees and snowing a few days later!) during which the kids can play on the deck while I sip my Dr. Pepper. Which reminds me...
- our new house and our mini van - two significant purchases we made in the last year that we are so grateful for now that we'll be a family of five!
- proof of life growing inside me - even in the form of surging hormones
I have so much I haven't documented on this blog and I keep going back and forth between wanting to get caught up and just picking up where we are and moving forward. And then I realize I have more pressing matters to attend to - like pulling Faith down from fireplace or making it to the bathroom in time - and the blog falls off my radar again.
So until I figure it out, I'll leave you with this cuteness:
|Gotta love that low tone flexibility!|